i missed the excitement!

when i was at sabathani today, i expected to hear about what went on yesterday with the lady who got shot by ICE. at first, it was business as usual but then towards the end of my shift, i heard one of the guys who work there (he usually is the one who helps me when i need help) talking about how ICE had all these vehicles and wanted to park around sabathani yesterday and there really wasn't anywhere to park. they shared my feelings about the grump administration. i was looking at my stats today and just by the looks of it- my mom must be acting concerned about me and maybe telling others so they look at my blog because they have nothing better to do other than pretend they're concerned about someone just to make my mom feel better so she leaves them alone. tell me MOM.. were you THIS concerned about me when you used ME as a shield when my dad was kicking YOU? no? i didn't think so. if you were that fucking concerned about me- you'd be urging other people to ACTUALLY help advocate and assist me with getting resources to live where I am TRULY happy- so i can be satisfied and CONSTRUCTIVE with my life. something you and amy (my half sister) obviously know NOTHING about, so you're trying to cling to me because MISERY LOVES COMPANY! then when i was went to the front of sabathani when my shift was over, i was talking to the security guard as usual and he said, "it's better than it was here yesterday." and i said with a laugh, "yeah.. just LUCKILY i got my certificate of citizenship and passport in the mail YESTERDAY- so those ice fuckers can't harass me about that.. well.. not LEGALLY anyway." then he said, "that's good! it was crazy here yesterday." so i just missed the party. which is more than likely a good thing because i tend to get cocky when people i don't like try to show authority.. and i DON'T like being pushed around. NOR do i like seeing other people get pushed around.
i also spoke to someone about how i basically got evicted for my reactions to smoking in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. the guy seemed willing to help me.. UNLIKE SUPPOSED "CARING" FAMILY MEMBERS WHO WERE SUPPOSEDLY GONNA GET ME TO NEW YORK ACCORDING TO MY GRANDMA! i told him that when the ics was helping me apply to an apartment in boston said that he might have difficulty getting me into the apartment because i was "evicted" for my reactions to smoking in a NON-SMOKING APARTMENT. he said straight out to me, "that's illegal. you got yourself a lawsuit right there." and i said, "YEAH! THAT'S WHAT MY COUSIN JOE SAID TOO!" the ONLY CARING family member who actually assists me in life so i'm truly happy. amanda is just concerned about looking GOOD to other family members. NOT what she supposedly told my grandma she'd assist me with. she doesn't give a damn about me or my mental health. QUIT THE FAKE SHIT. MY MOM IS GONNA BE GONE BEFORE I AM, ESPECIALLY WITH ALL HER DAMN SMOKING. AMY CLAIMS SHE QUIT BUT I BELIEVE JAY OVER AMY ANYDAY AND HE SAID THAT SHE STILL SMOKES. i've got MORE life than she does and probably a lot more than people who falsely claim they "care" and that's why they don't want me to move where I TRULY WANT TO LIVE. i'm thinking that my mom also probably discovered i put a block on all her damn numbers- which is also probably why she looked at my blog so much. FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO. GO WALK YOUR FUCKING DOG. i refuse to communicate or even interact with ANYONE NOT supporting MY goals. go fuck yourselves. i've went through enough shit just to get myself where i currently am and i'm NOT stopping just for the convenience of people who really don't give a damn about me. even grandma understood my goals but she was getting old and naive and ridiculously put her confidence in a selfish person who really doesn't want to help me because she couldn't give a damn about me. EVERYTHING about me is too damn inconvenient for her. proof of that is how she never answered the phone when i called her from the emergency room (it wasn't JUST ONE TIME when she refused to answer the phone either- after about the second or third time, i just told the emergency room doctors that i didn't wanna call anyone because no one cared- one of the times, the doctors put me on caplyta- so my LACK of care and total control from my damn family are causing me to require anti-depressants! my family is making me require to be drugged up on happy pills! this is the kinda shit i gotta put up with). i could be dead. she's probably disappointed that i'm not because other people expect her to care about something that she only cares about when it makes her look good to other people and/or when it's beneficial to her. the guy from sabathani suggested i file a complaint with the attorney general of this state about the apartment evicting me for my reactions to the SMOKING in a "NON-SMOKING APARTMENT". i told him that i'd get back to him after i spoke with my cousin joe (since he's the ONLY relative who cares about my mental health and well-being).